Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly
because
you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads.
You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do
nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild
imagination and often think you
are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends
and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent.
You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent
thinker. People like
you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for
too
little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for
thriving
on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and
understanding of other peoples
problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things
off.
That is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit.
Everyone
in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a
born leader. Others think
you
are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate
criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers
and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate
disorder. Your shit-picking
attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold
and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good
bus
drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type
and have a difficult time
dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are
nil.
Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You
are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because
of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch.
Most
Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and
enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You
are
a worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks.
You
are basically chickenshit. There
has never been a Capricorn of any importance.